Content Feed Comments Feed

Phinally Philly

Sports analysis and newspheed.

Wednesday’s Worst: Cole Hamels Achieves a New Level of Douchebaggery

Posted by David Foley On September - 8 - 2009

Good God Almighty...Cole Hamels made quite a name for himself in the 2008 postseason, developing into arguably one of the most dominant pitchers in the majors. Since then however, Hamels performance on and off the field has suffered and he is quickly earning himself a bad reputation in the City of Brotherly Love. These incredibly awkward, infinitely Photoshopable magazine ads won’t help his cause, either.

Cole has officially become Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn in Major League II. Seriously, just read this tidbit from the Major League II Wikipedia page and tell me it doesn’t immediately remind you of Cole:

“The success of last season has changed the attitudes of the Indians. Pitching sensation Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn (Charlie Sheen) is now a bland yuppie concerned about his endorsement potential, causing him to lose the edge on his fastball.”

After being named World Series MVP it’s understandable that he’d make a few late night talk show and commercial appearances, and I’d probably be ok with that if he only did a few here or there if he actually had a personality. Unfortunately Cole is trying too hard to be something he’s not…

Did he inhale ten balloons worth of helium or does he really sound like that?

Seem familiar though?

Hamels was on both Leno and Letterman...

He may be from California, but he sure as hell can’t act. And what about that whole dog-backpack fiasco?!?

Don't fight it Charlie, just embrace it.

Don't fight it Charlie, just embrace it.

All this leads me to ask one question Cole…**Trying and failing to act surprised** Who are you?”

Are you the same pitcher who won five playoff games last year and was near unhittable, or the guy who has struggled this season with a losing record and a 4.32 ERA? Are you the reigning World Series MVP, or someone who ran his mouth about the Mets being choke artists only to post a scintillating 7.20 ERA against said choke artists.

It pains me to write all this because I met Cole and he seems like a good guy, but you have to wonder if the fame and fortune (or his attention-whore of a wife) aren’t getting to his head. Maybe he needs to ditch Heidi and get back together with an old flame…it seemed to work for Wild Thing. Either way the Phils won’t repeat unless their ace gets his mojo back, which may have to involve Jamie Moyer and Pedro Martinez slapping the crap out of him in a back alley until he agrees to never film another commercial again. Believe me when I say human kind, and the Phillies, would be better off.

[Oh No. Cole Lobs a Softball] The 700 Level

You might like these related articles:

blog comments powered by Disqus

About Us

Phinally Philly is a new source for news in the world of Philadelphia sports. Unlike other forms of mainstream media we take pride in presenting our honest, uncensored take on anything and everything related to Philly sports. We’re breaking news, insightful commentary, and a whole lot more brought to you live from the City of Brotherly Love by the Philly fan, for the Philly fan.