Phinally Philly

Phillies Ace Cole Hamels graces the cover of the latest Sports Illustrated, and you can read the feature story about him here.

A comment in the story by Cole’s wife Heidi is attracting some attention from around the internet blogosphere (Most notably Deadspin and The700Level.) It revolves around the young couple and a soon-to-be adoption…

We’re in the process of adopting an AIDS orphan from Ethiopia. Maybe two. I’m so pumped. I’d adopt six if I could. When I was five years old-I grew up in a very rural town in Missouri, and I had never even seen a black person-they asked us to draw a picture of ourselves in the future, and I drew myself holding hands with a line of tiny black stick figures. I’ve always wanted this.

I’m sure Mrs. Hamels means well, but quite honestly that quote makes her sound like a complete and total screwball. Just in case you’re wondering when I was five I drew pictures of cars, trucks, and athletes, but to each his (or her) own.

Well folks, today is Valentines’ Day, a travesty holiday that is a commercially-manufactured well-meaning opportunity to support the struggling economy show that special someone how much they mean to you (unless you happen to be single, like myself, and questioning why no members of the opposite sex talk to you.) Good times!

In honor of this special day, and the budding friendship between Phillies skipper Charlie Manuel and Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid, Phinally Philly put together a transcript of a recent conversation between the two (well, not really, but work with me here.)

Again, this is in no way factual, but for all we know it could be. And if this post takes your mind off how miserable and lonely your life is brightens your day for a couple minutes…then we’ve done our good deed for the week. Enjoy.

**I’d be remiss not to give some credit to the fine folks at Kissing Suzy Kolber for the inspiration behind this post. Their Wade and Jerry skits might be some of the funniest shit on the internet…period.**

First day of the new offseason

Scene: NovaCare Complex

Charlie Manuel: So here’s the deal Andy, Mr. Lurie asked me to come and have a few words with you about becoming a better leader and commanding more respect from your players.

Andy Reid: Well, alright then.

Charlie: It starts with discipline. Remember that whole Jimmy Rollins thing? When he showed up late for a game at Shea?

Andy: Uh huh.

Charlie: I had to remind Jimmy who was in charge…and it worked. The players realized they couldn’t get away with crap like that and…wait….what’s wrong?

Andy: *Rummaging through wallet* I can’t FIND it!

Charlie: Can’t find what?

Andy: The card.

Charlie: What card?

Andy: The Subway card!!!

Charlie: …

Andy: *Mumbling*…only needed two more stamps for a free sub. Sunovabitch.

Charlie: Look, forget the damn card…can I just get you to focus here? I’m trying to help you. Anyway that whole Jimmy situation really…Goddamn it Andy put the wallet away!

Andy: Sorry.

Charlie: Now what would you do if, say, Desean showed up late for a practice?

Andy: Pass.

Charlie: What?!? You can’t pass to the next question…

Andy: No, I’d pass.

Charlie: Wait, like throw the football “pass”?

Andy: Uh huh *Inaudible* deep fade *Inaudible* Greg Lewis *Inaudible*

Charlie: Dammit Andy that doesn’t even make sense!! Andy….ANDY?!?

Andy: …

Charlie: Andy wake the hell up! You’re about to get run out of this city and lose your job, the least you could do is stay awake!

Andy: Sorry.

Charlie: Now answer the damn question!!

Andy: Ask Marty.

Charlie: Marty who?

*Door slams open*

Marty: Andy? Andy did I hear you solicite my presence?

Charlie: Who in God’s name is this?!?

Marty: Marty Mornhinweg, pleased to meet your acquaintance Mr. Manuel!

Charlie: Whatever…Andy answer the question.

Andy: Ehhhh….

Charlie: Andy I swear to the Lord Almighty if you say “pass”…

Andy: Uhhhh…Marty?

Marty: Pass Andy. Definitely pass.

Charlie: ARGGGHHH I’VE HAD IT WITH BOTH OF YOU!!! Andy you realize you’re taking advice from a jackass who won a coin toss in overtime and deferred, right?!?

Marty: I, I, I was simply championing the wind, Charlie. I wouldn’t expect YOU of all people to understand the complexity of modern NFL strategy.

Charlie: They called you Marty “Moron-weg” in Detroit after that, dipshit.

Marty: No they didn’t!!!

Charlie: That’s not what your wikipedia page says…

Marty: Andy!!! Mr. Manuel is being most rude to me and I…

Charlie: Andy?!?

Andy: …

The Phillies avoided arbitration with first baseman Ryan Howard on Sunday by agreeing to a 3-year $54 million deal with the 29-year-old slugger. Most Philly fans will probably be glad the team finally locked up the former MVP to a new deal, but if you look a little closer this wasn’t as much of a no-brainer as you might think.

Let me re-phrase that: Ryan Howard is not worth the kind of money he is now making.

Now you might be saying to yourself, “This Foley guy is nuts! Howard is an offensive beast and one of the best left-handed power hitters in the game!” That much is certainly hard to deny. The big guy hit 48 homers and drove in 146 runs last season (yet somehow wasn’t an All-Star) and he was a big part of the Phils run to the World Series. Here’s the kicker…a closer look at Howard’s 2008 season shows when the Phillies needed him the most he folded faster than MIT students at an origami competition.

I know I mentioned above Howard’s impressive offensive numbers, but there was one stat that many Phillies fans are undoubtedly familiar with. RyHo hit at just a .251 clip over the course of the season, and he struggled mightily early on. Here’s a look a Howard’s batting average month-by-month:

March/April: .172

May: .238

June: .234

July: .311

August: .213

Sept/Oct: .352

I will give Ryan credit for his performance in September and October, but those monthly numbers really bring into question his consistency. Can Howard be counted on to carry a team? Only if he isn’t having a bad month. What about his batting statistics on an inning-by-inning basis?

Innings 1-3 (210 AB):  .305 (BA), .380 (OBP), 21 HR/67 RBI, 28 BB, 55 K

Innings 4-6 (213 AB): .296, .362, 18/54, 22, 64

Innings 7-9 (177 AB): .141, .263, 9/25, 27, 76

Innings 10+ (10 AB): .100, .357, 4, 4 (all 4 walks were intentional).

What do those stats tell you? As the game went on Howard struck out more, got on base and hit less, and just generally became less of a factor on the final outcome. Is that the kind of player you want to invest $15-20 mil. a year in? Even back in 2007 Howard hit just .223 in innings 7-9 and his strikeout numbers increased. Just for the sake of comparison, let’s take a look at Albert Pujols’ inning-by-inning hitting stats from 2008:

Innings 1-3 (207 AB): .406 (BA), .492 (OBP), 10 HR/45 RBI, 37 BB, 19 K

Innings 4-6 (166 AB): .301, .422, 14/41, 36, 19

Innings 7-9 (142 AB): .352, .472, 12/28, 31, 14

Innings 10+ (9 AB): .333, .333, 1/2, 0, 2

Pujols’ numbers through innings 4-9 are far superior to Howard’s, and while he generally doesn’t hit for quite as much power or drive in as many runs his other stats are much higher. As for RBI, keep in mind Pujols played for a worse offensive team so he had fewer chances to drive in runs than Howard did. Albert is set to make just over $14 million this season…Howard will make $15 million in the first year of his new contract (which jumps to $19 mil next year and $20 mil in 2011.) Who would you rather have on your team? Factor in that Pujols is a much better defensive player at 1B (.996 fielding percentage to Howard’s .988)  and you have yourself a REAL no-brainer.

Am I saying that Howard is a bad baseball player? Not at all, but what I am saying is he isn’t worth the $54 million he’ll now be making over the next three seasons. At least not until he learns to be a more consistent contributor to the team’s offense.

What if I told you there was one move the Phillies could make that would all but guarantee them another World Series title?

Would you do it?

For some unknown reason, one of the most prolific right-handed hitters in Major League history is still available just weeks away from Spring Training. Yes, I am of course referring to one Manny Aristides Ramirez (and yes, that really is his middle name.)

Now before you step up on that moral soapbox of yours and start lecturing me about how ManRam is a “cancer”, “the T.O. of baseball”, and would never be able to handle the pressure of playing in Philly, let me drop some basic knowledge on you:

The Phillies might have the best offensive lineup of any team ever if they added Ramirez, and he fills their need for a right-handed bat to protect Howard and Utley.

Just imagine this insanity on a night-in night-out basis…

1. Rollins

2. Victorino

3. Utley

4. Ramirez

5. Howard

6. Ibanez

7. Feliz/Dobbs

8. Ruiz

How do you pitch to that lineup and not give up 6 or 7 runs a night? I know Manny has perceived luggage, but it sure didn’t affect him in LA. In 53 regular season games with the Doyers Manny managed a .396 BA, with 17 HRs, 53 RBIs, and a .489 OBP.

What about the playoffs? Glad you asked: in just 8 games Manny hit .520 with 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, and a .667 (!!!) OBP.

Even as he gets older his numbers have remained stellar and he is one of the most consistent, clutch hitters in the MLB. Yeah his defense leaves something to be desired, but when the guy hits like he does it doesn’t matter.

Don’t try to pull that, “but we already have Ibanez, Werth, Jenkins, Stairs, and Dobbs” garbage. None of them can come close to matching Manny’s production. So you platoon Ibanez and Werth, keep Stairs as a PH and dump Jenkins (hurts to say that about a fellow Trojan but come on now, I’d swap and average outfielder for an Hall of Fame outfielder any day.)

So why hasn’t a team already snatched this guy up? Might have something to do with the fact that he played his way out of Boston for a bigger contract. Sure sounds pretty Owens-ish…but there’s more to that story than meets the eye and Bill Simmons wrote a terrific article about it at the time of the Manny to LA deal.

Honestly, what if the guy is just a bit misunderstood? After all he did last 8 years in Cleveland and another 7 1/2 in Boston, and it’s not like he ever did anything too devious during that time.

There was that whole selling the grill on Ebay thing. Then the whole hilarious peeing in the Green Monster situation. And what about this…Ramirez’s Amazing Catch.

Doesn’t exactly come off as a devastating locker room influence to me, and I’d fully expect him to earn the love of Philly after that first monstrous shot he hits out of CBP.

Give the man a three-year incentive-laden deal to keep him motivated, and you will have a full-fledged Dynasty in the making on your hands. At least in this Philly fan’s eyes, the risk is well-worth the potential reward.