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Phinally Philly

Sports analysis and newspheed.

T.O., with perhaps the only person on the face of the Earth who is more obnoxious than he is.

I apologize for taking so long to get Wednesday’s Worst out…to be perfectly honest I just completely forgot what day it is. Good times!

Last night ABC debuted The Superstars, yet another horrible idea for a reality show pitting former athletes against……honestly who gives a damn. The only reason I had the slightest bit of interest in this was because T.O. gets OWNED by a bitchy model. Some highlights from show from the Inquirer’s Peter Mucha after the jump…
Read the rest of this entry »

Wednesday’s Worst: DUI Manslaughter Edition

Posted by David Foley On June - 17 - 2009

There have been plenty of highlights and low-lights in former Eagle receiver Donte Stallworth’s seven year career up to this point, but his best catch wasn’t on the football field. It clearly was hiring attorney Christopher Lyons.

Stallworth plead guilty to a DUI manslaughter charge yesterday and will spend his next 30 days in jail. He’ll also be under house arrest for two years, be on probation for ten, and will eventually have to serve 1,000 hours of community service. A light sentence given the severity of Stallworth’s crime. Without the plea deal Donte could have served 15 years in prison.

Read the rest of this entry »

Wednesday’s Worst: Come FREAKIN’ ON Clay!

Posted by David Foley On June - 10 - 2009

Somehow, by the grace of God, Clay Condrey has an ERA below 5. I myself wouldn’t trust him to valet park my 2000 Dodge Intrepid (hey, it’s the sports model!) much less pitch in a close game against a division rival but sure enough with a runner on first in the bottom of the sixth in came Clay to ruin my day.

The Phils were ahead 4-3 at the time, but of course that lead wasn’t destined to last very long with #55 on the hill. Read the rest of this entry »

Wednesday’s Worst: T.O. is at it Again on Twitter

Posted by David Foley On June - 3 - 2009

A little while back you may remember a post here about T.O.’s Twitter stalker. Well Terrell is generating some more “controversy” with his Twitter page, only this time ESPN picked the story up and ran it on their front page.

Honestly, there isn’t a whole lot to this; basically T.O. wasn’t allowed to rent a place in Orchard Park because the residents didn’t want to deal with the inevitable ensuing media circus.

Late Tuesday night, the Bills receiver posted a message on his site that read he’s “tripping about residents” who won’t rent a home to him in Orchard Park because they “[don't] want any drama n their neighborhood!! LOL!!! Wow!!.”

How this story warrants a front page spot on one of the biggest sports web sites on the web baffles me…maybe there really is something to T.O.’s “they’re out to get me” attitude? Probably not, but still pretty weak move on the WWL’s part.

Also drawing headlines today is Jake Peavy’s performance against the Phillies last night. 1 IP, 3 H, 4 ER, 2 BB, and a supposed “upper respiratory infection” that took him out of the game. How pissed is the Padres front office at this guy right now? He nixes a trade to Chicago, continues to be a pain in the ass in terms of where he will and will not go, and then goes out and puts up a stinker against a team that may have interest in him.

Look Jake, wanting to be moved to a contender is fine, but at the very least you need to sack up and at least play well enough so that the Pads get decent value for you. As it stands now who is going to pay $15+ mil a year for a guy who can’t stay healthy, gets shown up by rookies making their first career start, and shows incredibly questionable toughness?

Finally, a big shoutout to Titans BACKUP QB Vince Young. Speaking of toughness…VY makes Jake Peavy look like Bear Grylls. Young made comments to a Baltimore TV station hinting that he may want to be traded if he can’t win the starting job from Kerry Collins, then had his agent come out today and say he actually doesn’t want to be traded.

Look Vince, it’s bad enough you can’t beat out a mediocre old fart for the starting spot, why draw anymore attention to the epic failure you have become? Unlike in the college game you actually need to be a smart, accurate passer to be an NFL QB and VY is neither of these. Good luck in your next endeavor Vince, I hear Walmart might be hiring.

Thanks to for the Peavy pic.

Wednesday’s Worst: Fillet the Fish

Posted by David Foley On May - 27 - 2009

Shane is probably laughing at Wes' .261 career batting average.

Wes spent the 2007 season here in Philly and was expected to be a power-hitting righty off the bench. He was coming off a nice ’06 season in Florida where he hit .329 with 10 homers and 47 RBIs and while he wasn’t expected to set the world ablaze he was supposed to be a valuable veteran off the bench.
Unfortunately that acquisition won’t go down as one of then-GM Pat Gillick’s finest. Helms hit a measley .246 and had only 5 homers in 40 more at-bats than he’d had the year before. At the start of the ’07 season Helms was traded back to Florida for a dollar, and surely nobody here expected to hear from the mediocre journeyman again.
That seemed like it would be the case, until this past Monday rolled around. Helms came into that game on a 2 for 20 skid since the beginning of May playing sparingly for the Marlins. He had yet to hit a home run, and had only 6 runs batted in. In a series against the Phils earlier in the season Wes went 0-5 with 2 strikeouts.
None of that ended up mattering on May 25, 2009.Wes went a whopping 3 for 5 (his first multi-hit game of the season), with a home run and 4 RBIs in a 5-3 Marlins win. Adding insult to injury the loss kept Phils starter Jamie Moyer from career win #250.
One of the things I love about sports is the sheer unpredictability of it all, and Helms’ big game was about as unpredictable as it gets. That of course doesn’t mean we can’t hate the old fart for it. Congrats on earning this week’s Wednesday’s Worst, Wes. Enjoy it, it’ll be the only thing anyone ever awards you once your incredibly underwhelming playing career is through.

Wednesday’s Worst: “Potty Mouth” Edition

Posted by David Foley On May - 20 - 2009
Five errors in one game? All in a nights work for the New York Mutts. (

Five errors in one game? All in a night's work for the New York Mutts. (

This week’s Wednesday’s Worst was really a no-brainer thanks to the general incompetence of the Mets and their fans.

Let’s start with Monday night where the Mets made five errors, Ryan Church missed third on what would have been the go-ahead run in the bottom of the eleventh (prompting this gem from Manager Jerry Manuel: “I can’t explain why or how or anything, but he actually missed the base. To me, it’s hard to miss third base.“), and the Dodger’s scored their winning run on another error that broke up a potential inning-ending double play.

As if all of that wasn’t bad enough there was more finger-pointing from the Met clubhouse after the game, with every Phillie fans’ favorite bumbling idiot Jerry Manuel slamming Ryan Church to the point where he had to come out today and make a statement that there is no rift between him and his starting outfielder.

Then of course there are the Met fans themselves…with one lady in particular getting her arm stuck in a toilet at Citi Field trying to grab her gold tooth that she dropped. This is simply-put a perfect Met fan scenario for several reasons: A.) This woman had a freakin’ gold tooth! Clearly, she is a high-class individual (orrrrr not.) B.) How the hell do you manage to “drop” it in a toilet?!? Was she flossing while on the crapper or something? C.) The fact that she stuck her arm down a TOILET to try to get it back…this woman has no shame I’m tellin’ ya.

The headline from the New York Post story is just as priceless: “MET FAN A ‘POTTY MOUTH’. Whoever came up with that should get a 200% raise!

But you know Omar Minaya should consider signing this chick up to play outfield for the Mets considering she’s so good at dropping things.

Factor in Carlos Delgado’s injury, and a whopping 60 inning home run drought, and you have yourself one bad week for mutt fans AND Wednesday’s Worst.

Wednesday’s Worst: You Can’t Spell Blount without BLUNT

Posted by David Foley On May - 13 - 2009

What's the bigger crime: felony marijuana possession or those powder blue Sixer unis?!?

Former Sixer Corie Blount was sentenced to one year in prison today for two felony counts of marijuana possession. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he got completely owned by the Judge as well… Read the rest of this entry »

Wednesday’s Worst: Ocho Cinco Edition

Posted by David Foley On April - 8 - 2009

This week’s Wednesday’s Worst isn’t a loud-mouth player, a homerific announcer, or a stupid fan…no it is an actual RUMOR. I never specified that this column had to be about a living being did I?

For what must be the 200th time this offseason, there is a new rumor about the Eagles potentially going after an wide receiver. This time the subject is perennially-disgruntled Bengals wideout Chad Ocho Cinco.

The source of the speculation is ESPN’s Michael Smith, who said the following on NFL Live yesterday:

I am hearing there is interest in Chad Johnson. Now there’s been some back and forth as to whether or not he is officially on the market. I think everybody in Cincinnati has signed off on moving Chad Johnson except for owner Mike Brown. The Eagles could be in the picture. They have two first-round picks. They need a receiver.

Personally I think this is all a load of crap. I placed the emphasis on “could” in that quote because that makes it painfully obvious that Smith is throwing the Eagles name out there purely based off of their supposed interest in other receivers this offseason. I can’t imagine they’d ever trade for Chad, much less give up anything near a first round pick for a player who is so obviously on the decline.

This just in: Chad Ocho Cinco isn’t worth the headache anymore. When he was in his prime he was one of the best in the game, but that was years ago. Now Chad is coming off a dismal season (53 catches, only 4 touchdowns, and a James Trash-esq 10.2 yards per catch) and he is entering the dreaded thirties, when players start to fall apart physically in a lot of cases.

Does Ocho Cinco (God I hate referring to him as that) have anything left? Probably, but not enough to warrant giving up anything substantial for him. Think about it this way: right around the time Chad dumped his old last name for “Ocho Cinco” was the point where he stopped being a commodity and started being a nuisance. In the past he could back up his big mouth with big games on the field, but now he’s just another obnoxious has-been with a Pro Bowl-sized ego. He is quickly becoming the Chevy Chase of the NFL. People will only put up with your crap as long as you are popular and productive…as soon as your fame goes so does your job opportunities.

If I could get him for a 4th round pick or later I’d consider it, but even then you’d have to pay his salary and hope he doesn’t break down and tear apart your lockeroom in the process. The Bengals just lost TJ Houshmanzadeh, yet they’re still willing to let Ocho Cinco go? That’s not a good sign folks. If I were the Birds I wouldn’t touch Ocho Cinco with a 50 foot pole. If you want a receiver who will make the team better give up a bit more for a Boldin or an Edwards…don’t waste your time on a stale act. Besides, we all know how the “Chevy Chase Show” turned out, don’t we?


ESPN’s coverage of the NHL

We are heading into the crucial final days of the NHL season and there are several thrilling playoff chases, yet Sportscenter is spending a bulk of their time on WOMEN’S COLLEGE BASKETBALL?!? I was watching Sportscenter this morning and I expected to see at least some hockey analysis/highlights in the first 30 minutes, and instead all I got was NFL and NBA Draft coverage, some Tiger Woods talk, and highlights from the Women’s NCAA Title game along with an interview with the winning coach.

ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME?!? Most nights you are lucky to see a hockey game covered by the Worldwide Leader. And you know when Jack Edwards, of all people, is calling you out you have a big problem.

Memo to ESPN: VERY FEW PEOPLE GIVE HALF A CRAP ABOUT WOMEN’S FREAKIN’ BASKETBALL! As a matter of fact I’ll take this one step further…if I were to go to hell (still up in the air at this point) there would probably be 1,000,000 TVs all tuned in to women’s basketball 24/7. That would be an effective eternity of torture for me. Here is a list of things I would rather watch than women’s basketball: a Gilmore Girls marathon, a Golden Girls marathon, paint dry, and of course the Eagles/Bengals tie from last season.

Curious to know what you missed for the countless numbers of you who DIDN’T watch the women’s Title Game last night? Here is an abreviated play-by-play from the first few minutes when it was still actually competitive:

19:55 – UCONN missed 2-point jumper. 19:41 – UL missed 2-point jumper. 19:19 – UL missed 2-point jumper. 19:09 – UL three. 18:55 – UCONN missed 3-point jumper. 18:50 – UCONNputback 2. 18:32 – UL missed 2-point jumper. 18:20 – UCONN missed 3-point jumper. 18:16 – UCONN missed 2-point jumper.

Wow…if I wanted to to see a bunch of missed jumpers I’d go to a local park and watch some 40-year olds play a pickup game. And ESPN chooses to give THIS extensive coverage over a sport that is 1,000 times more exciting, has infinitely more fans, and is entering a thrilling end of the regular season. You all make me sick.


Posted by David Foley On March - 26 - 2009

lj-smithThere were quite a few potential candidates for Wednesday’s Worst this week: T.O. showed his true dedication to the Bills, Jerry Jones contradicted himself for the fifty-thousandth time, some members of the Maryland women’s basketball team evidently didn’t feel like their sport was a big enough joke already so they came up with this slogan, and prison clearly hasn’t changed the eternal loser otherwise known as Ron Mexico.

But when push came to shove, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind who deserved this dishonor.

L.J. Smith was the definition of a bust with the Eagles, but not your typical “never stood a chance because he sucks” type of bust. No, LJ had talent…he was just lacking in other areas such as “toughness” and “heart.” You know it’s a bad sign when you are stunned when a guy manages to actually hang on to a ball on third down, or when he somehow starts more than three games in a row without going on the injured list (those sore pinky toes will get you every time!!)

Now LJ claims he is “renewed” after signing with the Baltimore Ravens. Nevermind that the Eagles gave him a perfect chance to succeed and prove his worth as their franchise player last season. Nevermind that he was handed the starting job from day one and ended up with a whopping 37 catches. Only NOW has he decided that he is actually going to try to improve as a player, now that he has officially screwed over the team that drafted him.

This can end in one of two ways: either LJ steps up and excels in Baltimore (Jackass had to wait till now to stop sucking?!?) or he ends up flopping just as much as he did in Philly (Jackass is hopeless.) Unfortunately both situations involve the Eagles wasting a second round pick on a tight end who can’t block, can barely catch, and will only be remembered ten years from now for almost being decapitated.

And to think we took this bum over Jason Witten.

Wednesday’s Worst #1

Posted by David Foley On February - 25 - 2009

When I was a Wednesday sports anchor at Annenberg TV News at USC, I had a weekly segment called “Wednesday’s Worst” where I would pick the biggest moron/worst play of the week and mock them/it mercilessly for 45 seconds to a minute. Good times! Now I’ve decided to bring it back here at Phinally Philly, except in print fashion.

I am proud to recognize the inaugural Wednesday’s Worst…Dan Snyder…Owner and Tyrant of the Washington Redskins!!

Danny boy supposedly wants to give this guy $100 million, or roughly $15-16 mil per year to play for the Skins. Hell, why not invest a huge chunk of your cap space in one defensive tackle with anger and motivation issues! HOW CAN THIS POSSIBLY GO WRONG?!?

Phinally Philly has actually managed to obtain an exclusive transcript from one of Mr. Snyder’s recent conversations with his receptionist (well not really, but work with me here.) Maybe this will grant us some insight into his decision-making process? Enjoy!

Redskins Main Office

Earlier today…

Danny boyDan Snyder: EZZZRAAAA?!? Ezra where the hell did you go?!?

Mr. Snyder’s Secretary (Ezra): Standing right next to you sir. You don’t need to yell.

Dan: Oh! Goddamnit Ezra you scared the shit outta me!

Ezra: Sorry sir.

Dan: Did you submit the offer to Albert Haynesworth’s agent yet?

EzraEzra: No sir, you never gave me a dollar amount for the deal.

Dan: Dammit Ezra! Go wax my Learjet or something…I’ll need to confer with my adviser on this…

Ezra: Wait Dan, is that a…

Dan: Silence wench!!! Only refer to me as “sir” or “my lord”! You know better!

Ezra: Sorry sir.

Dan: *Falls to one knee* Oh wise and mighty adviser, should I offer Albert Haynesworth 100 million dollars?

Magic 8-Ball/Adviser

Dan: *Looking puzzled* Hmmm, must be broken. $100 million dollars Ezra, send it in.

Ezra: Yessir.

Dan: Oh…Ezra did you send in my offer for Brandon Lloyd as well?

Ezra: Wait, that lazy sack of shit that we wasted two draft picks and $10 million on?!?

Dan: Yeah, that guy.

Ezra: Ummm, I’d probably consult your “adviser” on that one too sir.

Dan: Grrrrr fine! *Picks up the magic 8-ball* Oh wise and mighty adviser, should I sign Brandon Lloyd?


Dan is angryDan: GAAAHHH this piece of shit is BROKEN!!! Ezra send the offer NOW!!!!

Ezra: For how much sir?

Dan: I don’t CARE just sign the dumbshit!

Ezra: Ok…oh and Mr. Snyder…

Dan: WHAT?!?

Ezra: What about the trade offer for Terrell Owens?

Dan: Trade offer? For Terrell Owens?

Ezra: Yessir…

Dan: Do I look fucking crazy to you?!?

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